I love children and always have but i always wondered how i can ever raise children..you never do anything right, i have seen strict parents raise children that go away from what they taught, i have also seen children raised by liberal parents get to be great in life so I got puzzled.

I have decided to look at things that stood out for me in all instances and thats what am sharing today.

Stella grew up with a father who was so tough and many times she found solace in her mother’s kindness and love, she loved them so much that she forgot the toughness the other side .They became teenagers and all would run to their mother about the people they wanted to date and eventually married but what stood out for me was all her sister’s made a vow to always be on their best behaviour because of her. The four of them got married in two years and everyone asked how she did it but deep down we knew she loved them so much that they feared to disappoint her, so this is my take

1. Love them

Loving a child and letting them know they are loved gets to them more than you can imagine, a child that is lover will understand the punishment given by a parent because it will be clear that you are not punishing them out of hatred but instead out of love, but this brings a question of how much is loving them too much.

Loving someone means being honest with them, telling them the truth even when it hurts and being fair. If the children are treated like that they will feel the love and grow up to be great.

2. Punish them

As much as its usually painful for me to punish my boys I know it’s important to punish children may be not the traditional caning that people grew up knowing but punishments that fit the offence, as parents we need to get creative via the punishment and this can also vary from age of the child

3. Be open with them

Amazingly children understand regardless of how little they are, if instead of shouting at a child you explain to them they will understand, we grew up being told somethings are for adults to know but this generation knows even more than us so let’s tell them the truth.

Am using Stellas experience to help me raise my children and hope i get the same results.

I was running late today so got onto a safe boda and the gentleman kept telling me how we tend to be unappreciative at each stage of growth as individuals.A man driving a taxi will complain that he gets 50,000 end of the day after expenses,yet there are those that only need that amount to get medicine for their patient,the boda man complains that there is no money yet he can earn 20,000 each day after expenses forgetting that there are people who can’t even get 20,000 each day before expenses, the chain continues, and it got me thinking how right he was.

We tend to look at what we don’t have and forget the big part which is the things we have for example we all pray for jobs, apply ( and all applications tend to say I humbly apply by the way), we put all our best qualities and fast and keep hoping  that any job comes our way and lo and behold  our ever so loving God gives you the job, here they ask you  about your salary expectation and usually it’s given to you and sometimes even exceeded but one month into the job you realize this is not enough, you look at what other people have and wonder when you will get there or even why it’s not you who has what they have.

Some of us even get depressed and start praying and asking for an increment, some of us even start applying for other jobs and the cycle continues.. but remember you didn’t even have the first job, here you are complaining but some people don’t have a job and are praying to be like you.

I looked at it and realized how God must feel dealing with our lives, we are so ungrateful for the things we have and focus on what we don’t have..nothing in this world is ever enough and please don’t get me wrong ambition is good but let us stop for a minute, look around you and be grateful for what you have.

Look around you and see how many people want to even be half the person you are and you will be astonished, you are able to afford transport to work, some people walk or even be thankful for walking because some people don’t have legs or a bedridden and wishing they could just get up and walk, worse still others are dead

So as one of my favorite hymns goes..(Through all the changing scenes of life, in trouble and in joy,  the praises of my God shall still my heart and tongue employ) let us be grateful to God for each and everything, count your blessings one by one and you will be amazed at how much you have.

So the fever is on …valentine week is finally here.People are excited about it and some are sad because they have no love to celebrate while some are just adamant and don’t know what to think

Am not sure where I belong because truth be told I don’t understand it. If love is to be celebrated why on only one day or even when you celebrate it and your partner doesn’t, is it still a celebration. ?

So last year my friend and I decided to cook for our husbands ( it was her first valentines as a married woman) we went all out..made ribs, baked potatoes,fries,grilled chicken to mention but a few. .we basically spent the whole day in the kitchen since we had to marinate the meat for hours. We felt good that we were doing this stay at home dinner instead of going out with the flock of other lovers trying to impress themselves.
After the cooking we brought out our best dishes and plates and I packed my share since we were cooking from her place and left her setting the table. .I ran home prepared my table and waited for the valentine that I was preparing for.

The Night went by and as usual first thing the next day we compared notes to see how the evening ended at each house..
Amazingly we all had the same story. They were amazed by the dinner and very excited ( they both implied they were shocked that we could prepare such ) but after all the praise we had each waited in vain for our gifts. The wait was abit long but we are patient ladies..but later after weeks or months they actually came…bringing in the question
Should we try so hard again this year or simply wait and be treated too..the debate is still on as 14th draws closer but the argument still stands should we celebrate one day or we celebrate our love everyday as these husbands of ours keep saying (part of me thinks that was their excuse for the late gifts)is there really no need to celebrate this one day…let’s wait and see…. see you after 14th

We heard voices coming from inside the house, and got alert, they grew louder and louder and we didn’t know what to do…should we help, should we just leave them.

My heart went out to the lady but I feared to interrupt, all we could do was pray that all was well. Finally, it all went down, the dead silence continued for 10 minutes, and it was more worrying than the loud voices before.

Slowly I walked to the door, to see if all was well, but the silence was still deafening.

Then I saw her… laying on the floor, tears running down her cheeks, I rushed to her and the boyfriend walked hurriedly past me.

With fear in my voice I asked her what had happened, did he hurt you, what did he do to you? Are you hurt, should I call the police?

After minutes of more silence, she told me,” I told him I am HIV positive and he called off the wedding”

I didn’t know what to tell her and it dawned on me, many times we think it’s the man in the wrong, every woman crying we assume there is a man that has caused it, we jump to conclusion even before we hear the story or even blame him even when he is not wrong…

We never look at the man’s side which has brought a big issue of men suffering in silence, men staying in bad relationships so as to keep the secrets of their partners, or for fear of being called selfish.

But if it were your brother would you let him marry a woman who is HIV positive for the sake of keeping her happy or worse still one who doesn’t tell him until it’s too late for him!!! Let’s hear out the men because one side of the story is not enough anymore. They hurt too.

It got me thinking when was the ideal time to tell him

1. Would it be before they got together? If so, would he have allowed to date her knowing that she was HIV positive?
2. Would it be after they had become close? wouldn’t that seem like a betrayal
   Honestly, I don’t know what is better but I know that if we stopped stigmatizing people with HIV, they MAYBE would easily come out. It all starts and ends with you

She entered the room and immediately felt it,the feeling of not fitting in,she looked at everyone and they all looked better than her ,had better clothes, better hair and even there bags looked way better,.
As she walked down the isle to the last available seat it became overwhelming knowing all eyes were on her,her legs shaking she sat down and prayed that the tears she felt in her heart were not visible to these people.

The lessons rushed one after another and they seemed to make her forget her surroundings….but not for long it was soon break and it all came back and she soon got used to the feeling.

Because of her back ground she found herself in the chapel and finally releasing the pent up tears she allowed herself to cry

The tears of morning till evening all came out and she waited for God to affirm all her fears,,that she wasn’t good enough but the reverse happened,..

A feeling so rare filled her heart,a warmth she has never felt before enveloped her and there on her knees she found her solution.
ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD

BEAUTIFUL INSIDE OUT

EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT YOU COS THEY FEAR YOU

GOD LOVES YOU SO MUCH HE DIED
and that is all that matters,if the creater of man kind loved you enough to die you are worth more than what you feel
Actually you have no right to feel that way cos it makes God sad…
The only approval she needed was from God and it was already given.

She got up and looked around through the lens of God and saw many like her and she reached out to them and from then she never looked back

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

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