To Be or Not to Be

New year ,new marriage

I know we are trying to settle in and find our bearing in 2023, we have made resolutions, made to do lists, blacklisted some people that hindered our progress in 2022 and here we are trying again and excited about the expected results

While many things have a clean slate ,with marriage you have the same handbook, I mean it’s a new year but with the same person and same children, same in-laws etc but does that mean that the year stays the same? Definitely not

I often compare marriage with cooking, my household eats rice everyday like literally every day, lunch, dinner it must have some rice … but to spice things up, we have to think of new ways to cook the same rice. If today its white, tomorrow brown, next day you try yellow, red and so many other ways that by the time you get back to white everyone is excited about it again. Same applies to marriage you can have the same everything but get a different result every time .

It’s a new year, purpose to make your marriage new too. Colour it up , spice it up and you will be amazed at the different results. Like any other resolution you have made purpose to do things differently, try that date night you haven’t had in years, call for a lunch with the inlaw you dread the most, blacklist that person that is not uplifting your marriage, dare to send your spouse a naughty message at work, the list is endless . Do it all anew and expect a good result. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen… fail, right? Happy 2023

Journeying-west 111

The hills are climbed, the legs are frail

The trust grew high for what was told

All in bid to stop the walk

While they sigh that the tour is done

Time to trek back to the Bus

The batch that quests their luck on the truck

Took their place behind the truck

Off we cruise, down the hill

Yiii we yell for the for joy is high

And selfies we take, for the moment is right

Next, we drag thy feet to a farm

A farm of tea to feast the eyes

For grown we are but none knew

That the tea cometh from green we see

Hop through shade of iron we did and the tour was done

Amazed we left and quick we trekked

For home was near and a delegation lay wait

For form dawn now dust they labored to please

The stomachs that fed from town to village

Quick on road and fast we disembarked

At a home we longed to reach, we docked bold

The fuss of food and drinks arose

to feed the lords and ladies of BOM

The Mulefu experience trademark was tossed

A service to revere and pride to esteem

For food and drinks we pumped like oxygen to the torso

The end was near for the day was old

We sat for a chat as the bold dug in the roast

One after one joined in the train of introduction

For the offspring were vast and a census was half done

By the end of pleasantries

To crown the day, history was shared

For the one called Love was born Katutu

Kiterede was another she dropped but now we knew

Stories were told and pleas were cast

For the one we know as Love did not want to return to the fold

We slept on that with the boys in camp and the ladies in another

It was a day well spent and to God the Glory

Journeying West part 11

Recap….
The kabagarame experience had now become a reality, back home in Kampala, our relatives were appraised by our expert review of the experience via our status. The team also took off time to appraise their banyankole neighbors and friends about Kabagarame and for that moment held something over them that most who come from the region had never experienced. We were officially Kabagarame Alumni and with all the rituals fulfilled, we headed to our next conquest-Kitagata.

The Kitagata Do.
We boarded our coaster with stomachs yielding to the pressure of forward movement and the pursuit of humble nature long forgotten. The team more energized and even more expectant. Mze Mulefu lead in a waiting double cabin advance vehicle organized by the host to ensure smooth running of the experience, an initiative that has since been adopted by the future hosts and upgraded to a truck to ensure that our gifts such as cows, goats and matooke are not left behind. We took the road and within 40 minutes were at Kitagata. For the road champion who is decorated with several misfits such as kanzuzu , running stomach and motion sickness, Kitagata seemed only right to have a permanent cure for the same. A power group led by their mafia lord championed the drive to have an immersion of the motion sickness king with an assurance that the headaches and all the aches will be a thing of the past by the end of the immersion.

On arrival, Kitatgata was a sight…am looking for the word… Yes , lets stop at a sight. Bare chested men, old ladies also bare chested,young girls and boys sat at different corners of the hot spring to pertake of the healing associated with the immersion. Loads of drinking water was being ferried away. A spot for boiling eggs on another corner. It was an eyeful of a sight but not to forget the mission-heal the motion sick. The campaign was on, it was clear now that our motion sickness king was not undressing to take part of the miracle, the campaign shifted to at least drink some.

I vividly waited to see the action that will change things. On one side I saw the old women seated bare bottom in the water and on the other side a mafia gang advocating for a sip of the water. Imaginations ran in my head on what exactly constituted the water but I was confident that Sanyu our lab guru would break it down. Given my simple science and the need for instant results, I made a few inferences- bare bottom old lady seated in the water to release to toxins and more from her body by the water + the sum of number of people doing the same in the water plus body fluids at boiling temperature equals the Miracle cure of kitagata. The pleas and blackmail of the click fell on deaf ears as the motion sickness champion seemed to have preferred the sickness and more to the sip of the miracle kitagata water and at that point,my excitement was fizzled and I headed to the bus for our next stop. As ritual, the lads buzzed the status and social media with photos shots of this yet second conquest of the Ankole region. Careful search in the over 300 hundred photo will reveal Daphine stood a distance and watched the husband take photos as though he was auditioning for an international modeling career. The usual suspects that appear in each of course goes without saying-Amazing.

The Kalinzu Conquest
We now jumped on the bus to rush for another yet exciting agenda item-to visit the source of the host school fees aka Dad’s job.
Our hosts parents had for the last years accumulated wealth from the timber business. They were one of the biggest sawmillers of the region. Put it in perspective, timber provided school fees for a family of a dozen children as at last estimate through Kampala’s prestigious schools and also afforded their parents a life of means. And now we had our chance to walk in the steps of the sweat that put our host in a place of notice by Bulenga moguls.

The drive was another 50 minutes from Kitagata into the dusty roads through the kalinzu Natural forest. We came to a stop at the collection area and embarked on the rest of the journey on foot. At this point, some surrendered and reminded themselves that there is a Nat Geo channel awaiting at home and there it simply made no sense paying subscription and also walking through a natural forest. The rest advanced into half a km walk through the wet road access. And a section was driven through on the double cabin advance vehicle. On there was Miss Excitement 2020 7 years in a raw and she indeed had a ride and the back of the truck.

We got to the center of operation and the entire team was in agreement that if this is what our Dad was doing to provide for the family, Thank you was an understatement. As he led us through a break neck foot speed, the team got clustered as they could not match the speed. The operation was on over 40 acres of trees being fallen and cut into pieces for transport to Kampala. It was massive and professional. It was at this point that some offered to officially lodge their complaints of why our host had let them buy match sticks tor roofing yet she had access to world class timber…and the compliant was recorded.
The sight of the operation brought each member into a moment of ponder and appreciation of what a parent would do to see their little girl (boys too) attain the best in future. As BOM, we collectively level our appreciation to all our parents for we can not say they were lazy….we are because they were and still are
To be continued

Journeying West

We had been to 2 parents homes,it was fun,fulfilling,rewarding and insightful. It also created a benchmark for the next homes we were to visit. Also, it was now time for the third visit. The usual excitement ,flair and pomp built coupled with the unique group Kajanja.
This time we were going for a 6 hour drive to the west and a sleep over as a group. Yes, we were to sleep over in Bushenyi….group of old men and ladies having a sleep over
The day
The agreed set off was 5am and as usual, intercessions were held for the routine time takers, who we have established since then that wake up to morning prayer or otherwise session either of which has the tendency to go over the scheduled time. Wake up calls begun at 4am and the the WhatsApp group became active. by 5.30am, everyone had assembled and, on the bus, and the long journey begun

The Journey
It was flight standard care aboard the coaster. The stewards pulled international level flight care with all the flasks, pies that have no local translation, cool cups like you are on a London Street and all manner of foods. As the coaster hit Masaka road, the welfare team unpacked the breakfast combo. I can say that they were an opposition team sent to silence the noise as the traffic of the food intensity fought the noise that comes with the excited bunch of men and women whose conversation habit needs no training nor prompting…its present and ever ready.

The stewards either mastered their art or they were showing off a professionally orchestrated ploy to leave us wondering why we do not this much often. Whichever the intention, it worked.
The excitement of moving together brought out the child within everyone as the journey was never went silent the entire 360KM. as we snailed through Lyatonde to Mbarara and later on to Bushenyi, the group grew more and more anxious as mansions showed up along the way. They got the host tensed up as each of these fine mansions was equated to a servants quarter at where we were to be hosted. Looking at the host, I could see fear and a question written on the fore head vain…what did I put myself into?
All that could not stop the now even more excited group to tender in their expectations and the wish that they could be allowed to spend half the night in each of the mansions they envisioned to find. For the host, each kilometer covered seemed to be a meter.

The welcome
As the cheers and wishes went around, so did the distance and we reached our first scheduled welcome point….Kabagarame…the biggest pork market in the west if not Uganda. The host and the parents had spoken to each of us at a personal level. They spoke pork and that was the welcome
Odd, for a parent welcoming a batch of his newly acquired children at a pork joint. But then again, there is nothing normal about the BOM fraternity…we laugh together ,talk sex, express love go wild ,have kajanaja and intertwin in each others lives. A pork joint welcome is low on the list of the odd things in BOM.

A tall towering man welcomed us with a half smile and half tough face. To a few, he is known as a tough no nonsense man,no time for small talk or any at all apart from giving orders and today, he is the host to a kajanja batch of married lads and gals. He approaches giantgantly says hello… throwing the ladies to their knees in the usual once in the month kneel to greet routine. It was shorlived , an answered prayer when they were invited to the tables to make their oreder. At Kabagarame, you can have pork in all forms,fried,roated,cooked,boiled,boiled then roasted and so on. The options are endless. Orders were placed and chitchat started with a man known not to do chit chat. A group attempted and enagaged him while the selfies ministry started making rounds and status update demon showed its head for the few that sat far.
In a little while later, we were joined by an uncle and his wife ,who drove from Kampala to be co hosts and shortly behind them the PORK arrived.

Cooked or fired or not sure but with dad and ebigenderako just unique. In hindsight, I now know, it is not the pork or the style but the entire experience kabagarame gives…you take pork with not judgement and in this case no worries of who picks the bill..we were dad’s guests and dad’s guest we shall be. The bill is dad’s, yet another form of freedom that gulfs one as a BOM member.
The eating continued and a prayer of let your enemies be put to shame by your performance was said. We dug in.

To be continued

Memoirs from the roots ..pt 2

On the 14th of February, the day we call lovers day , we decided to show love to our parents in line with the theme for the year, back to roots,we went to visit the Kyoyagalas parents, now we had been warned not to ask very many questions and even threatened not to be given food by Isaac if we asked too much but we were not moved.

We reached makindye on time and like the previous month all clad in our long dresses and our gifts that are a must since we decided never to go to a parent empty handed.we were warmly welcomed to a beautiful home with fruits that we all enjoyed fully and later a sumptuous meal, since Maria being our best cook in the group had camped there the whole week we didn’t expect any less and we were not disappointed

As soon as that session was done, people couldn’t even sit on the chair anymore, Eddie and Nora sat on the mat in the corner being too full and unable to stand.Mummy came out to greet us, a very calm lady unlike her son ,knowing how funny&emphatic Isaac is, we expected a similar calibre in her but she was so calm as she told us her story of how she raised her children after their father died when they were all so young. She told us the sad story that left most of us in tears but she kept a smile on her face because she had conquered.

It was a story of perseverance doing whatever it was to make sure the children had the very best, the work that they did including all the children could do for survival, it was an incredible story that shows how God has carried her through all the mountains ,to the point that as she narrated how she visited Israel the year before and slept in the most expensive hotels in all the places she visited,it all showed God It was a very heart warming story that left most of us teary and recommiting our lives to christ but at the same time it helped us understand why Isaac did the things he did

After that session we felt strong enough to ask questions regardless of Isaacs warnings, we got to meet the amazing family and basically had a good time, this brought us to the discussion for the day from what we had learnt , having values as a family. Mummy Isaac had emphasised how she disciplined her children with no exception, Every couple took us through the values they have as families, what things do they do together, how do we discipline the children, what are their eating habits and many more things, it was one of the most real conversations we have ever had and after we decided as a family to have values that are non negotiable,as the beacons family we decided that as individual families we will pray ,eat and sleep together

In this we were given assignments that I hope we all took seriously and to this day we try to always do those 3 things as a family, Eat together , Pray together and Sleep together and in doing this our families will be unstoppable. The evening later ended with more eats and tea and we departed at leisure. Till later as we travel together to Bushenyi..

Memoirs from the roots

2020 ended on a sad note for us as the Bom fraternity, we lost one of our dear parents Mr Zaake, we all decided to go burry but we all had to ask for directions, for me it was normal but to the chairman it was unacceptable, we had been in each others lives for over 4 years and we didn’t know where we all came from. So as the new year started, our chairman assured us that we had visited each other enough it was time to visit our parents and get to know where we all came from.

It was recieved with excitement but also abit of uncertainty, most of us were skeptical about how it would be pulled off. As we still waited to see what would happen, we got a Martin Luther among us and he asked to host us at his parents in January, that was Andrew and Rachel. We were excited because now we would test and see if it actually worked. A group of 8 couples going to visit parents, now if its ordinary couples it would be doable but if you met these ones you would clearly hesitate before taking them to your parents.

The long awaited day arrived and we got out the longest dresses we had ( some didn’t have so we hit town to get) Lucky for us they were in kansanga so it was a good starting point, we all arrived on time with our gifts ready to bless the parents and we were welcomed to a beautiful green home, the green was something breath-taking, a nice tent was set up all for us. I could see people start to fear thinking of how their parents homes look like but well here we were.

We had an amazing meal, it was the best goats meat I have ever tested, the juice kept flowing, we ate until we couldn’t eat anymore and luckily the session for talking to parents was after so we had to rush, they came out and we met a very calm couple, very neat and they took us through an amazing session about how far they had come, there we learnt alot about Andrew especially that he was a tablet child which explained his eating habits currently. The session was indeed great as we were reminded to always be hinged on Jesus regardless of what the people around us think.With Jesus you always win.

We departed later but with stomachs full,parental blessings and packs of gifts from our lovely parents, we all were encouraged and people seeing the value of the parents visit all started booking which month we would visit theirs. And that was our visit, till next time will tell you about the second visit to the Kyoyagalas.

10 years: Backstage Memoirs

This day 10 years ago was like a dream ,After the giveaway I barely slept at most we got two hours of sleep. On waking up I went to my mother’s room knelt before her and asked for her blessing as I started this new chapter of my life, she happily laid hands on me and said a prayer and I was off to the saloon where we had to be by 4am.

This was majorly because I had 10 maids and we all had to do our hair and keep time. I had the best team any bride would ever ask for, 10 ladies seemed like alot and many people asked me how I would manage choosing clothes, shoes and all the hustle brides go through with their entourages ,but mine were my friends who wanted to make life easier for me, all I did was choose the colour for the dress and they took over and made sure everything was perfect, I still have these ladies in my life and I thank God for them, 8 are now married and 2 are yet to go and soon they will.

Back to that day we were in the saloon at 4am and by 11 we were ready to get dressed. My soon to be husband called me and assured me how life together was going to be beautiful, he sang for me on the phone and all my fears run away, I was ready and I could hardly wait to go to church, I remember the saloon lady even finished my makeup at church because I couldn’t keep my Prince waiting any longer and luckily we were in time.

I walked down the aisle to Great is thy faithfulness and it sounded like an assurance from God that all was well, He had chosen for me what was perfect for me and in that moment I knew that regardless of what life threw at us in this marriage, God was at the center of it all.

We said our vows ,exchanged rings and he gave me the biggest hug ever as if to reassure me but I didn’t need the reassurance, the way He looked at me said it all.Church was so full I couldn’t believe all these people were there to see me. To see the munyankole girl who had won the heart of their son.

Fast forward it was done ,the most beautiful day of my life..the day I held flowers and dressed in white..We started our marriage sheepishly, my husband left home that morning and so did I, we had never rented or lived alone and here we were going to leave together. We didn’t have much actually all we had was a bike but God had showed Himself as part of all the preparations at each corner, and I knew He would show up still in the marriage.Imagine we had a balance from the wedding that we used for honey moon and some more to add to the house we were trying to build. If God could do that what would be too difficult.

10 years later God is still at the centre of it all, with 3 beautiful babies, the life of bikes forgotten and awaiting the blessings God still has in store for us. What amazes me is He still looks at me like am his new bride and together we move on from one milestone to the next.

Happy 10th anniversary Mr me

10 years: Backstage Memoirs

10 years today was the day before the big day and it was also our introduction , the excitement was for world Cup, I couldn’t contain myself it was finally here. Everyone from Bushenyi had arrived and we were all in the mood for my big day but I was also anxious because it meant loosing my biggest treasure ” my virginity “

I know it sounds childish but it always gave me so much pride that I was a virgin and I would tell whoever cared to hear . I first learnt about virginity and its importance when I was around 6, my father always said he never respected people but the reason he respected my mother was because he married her a virgin. Now to a young girl it was like i got a handbook for how to earn respect, and from that day I proudly told people that my mother was a virgin and I was also going to stay a virgin.

Little did I know that she actually wasn’t, it was not until my primary 5 when a teacher overheard me bragging how my mother was a virgin that he explained what it actually meant and Oh God I was embarrassed but I told myself never would I loose my virginity before marriage

I preached this message everywhere I went, got so many people interested in it at the same time ridiculed for being old fashioned but i knew I was on the right track, fast forward I start dating and I enthusiastically told my then boyfriend how for me that was a no go area and thank God we were on the same page and we managed so well. When I was told he would leave me and get other girls I didn’t mind and always answered them that someone meant for me would wait.

Call it old fashioned but I still believe the same till now and tell all the young girls to find pride in that ( most reason with me so much and try to convince me why they need not to be, also telling me why not if you are sure he is going to marry you) but they never changed my resolve, virginity is an expensive gift that should be given to only the right person who is your spouse after the wedding .

Anyway here I was one day about to loose my pride, I was scared what if I would never get anything that precious again, what if he didn’t treasure it as much as i had and it was worthless after all, what would I be without my pride….yes I know what you are thinking this was obsession but oh well there I was ..

The buzz of the introduction music got me back to my senses and I soon forgot about my fear and I prepared myself for a beautiful day, he was here the man I told everyone about had arrived home to meet my people, the day was here and the next day I would be his forever ,as much I feared loosing my precious virginity part of me knew I was earning a bigger pride …becoming Mrs Him..

10 years later am so glad I kept my pride for the man that deserved it and treasured it the way I did, but above all I got something new to be proud about, I married the man of my dreams who loves me right and always respects me because he was my first but above all am proud to be Mrs Him…

10 years : Backstage Memoirs

As we drew closer to the big day I saw God do things I never knew would be possible. I had a job as I had said earlier at a call center , we used to work late into the night and I thought as I made this decision of marriage I could not manage the night shifts and working weekends and weekdays, I decided to leave my job.

As i thought about the decision to leave and went around doing counselling ( being a known Church girl every person thought it was upon them to advise, counsel and tell me what to expect)

One of the ladies in mother’s union told me it was a bad decision to ever mix money with a man, men were dishonest and it was a matter of time before they all changed. She went ahead to explain how she saved her money with her husband, built a house and then the man sold the home without her knowledge to finance a new relationship with another girl. All her savings went to waste. So she said I should learn from her and not make the same mistake of joining money with a man.Ladies need to be independent was her concluding remarks.

I paused and thought, this was from a big person, well respected and this was her personal experience. I knew the husband well because he was always at church, I could not see him do such a thing. How would a nice person do such a thing ,What gurantee did I have that the same wouldn’t happen to me. Here I was going to leave my job, what future would I be looking at.

Alot of things went through my mind and as I was still thinking another lady sat me down and gave me the best advise I ever got. She told, go sheepishly to this marriage. Clean slate for both of you, your marriage doesn’t have to be like others, don’t look at other people, yours is different. There has never been you and Apo married before so don’t let other people’s issues stop you from having a beautiful marriage.

I chose to go with that, clean slate it was ,is it about money let us put it together until he gives me a reason not to. I listened to many people tell me whatever they felt they wanted to but I decided to choose to have my own thing regardless of what the future held for me.

So I made a decision to leave the job,it was not easy since I was earning much more than my husband to be but what had to be done had to be done.one month to the wedding, I went to my supervisor and resigned.

For the past 10 years we have always put money together, it doesn’t matter how much each brings in ,it’s all put in a common pool and then expensed according to the need at hand, it has worked for us and made us develop faster than if I had kept putting some at the side to set myself up incase he disappoints me. That works for us but may not work for you so find what works for you and stick to that.

So everytime you are told something listen to them but never let it be the guide for how you handle if you find yourself in that very situation. Most instances you are told how all men cheat so you should have your separate property as a woman,put something aside for that rainy day but don’t believe it , Never plan for such an ugly eventuality, just give a person a chance until they disappoint you but even still give them another chance. He is not perfect and neither are you so Clean slate people, clean slate…

10 years: The Backstage Memoirs

I told my fiance about the outcome of the meeting with daddy and he was also shocked but happy that his plan was moving on, so we got set and started the wedding preparations.You know how I said the hardest part was telling my father, well I was about to learn that it was simply a stepping stone

About a month later when people started learning about my intended nuptials,it’s when I got messages, calls and meetings of each calibre, people told me that I was making a mistake, this man had no big job ( at the time he was working as a sales agent in KCB and was earning 300,000) they reminded me how I was leaving the safety net of my fathers house to the unknown pit financially. even people I expected to support me were actually telling me I was making a mistake.

I would lock myself in my room and cry because it broke my heart that even my closest relatives were against my getting my dream marriage. This man is good for me, he makes me laugh, he makes me happy and I was very sure he is the one I could see my future with .I was given options, told to meet men( sons of who and who)that would give me a better future but I refused and told everyone my heart was set and I was getting married to the one my heart desires. Good thing people left me alone and all hoped the future would show me that they were all right and I was wrong

As if that was not enough a relative to my husband heard about it and told me it was the same on their side, she told me my father in law to be and all the elders were not in support and there was nothing my fiance could do about it. I wanted to hide forever, on my side I was defending someone yet here I was being told he couldn’t defend me

After so much debate with myself I told him about it and he was shocked, one thing he told me was he had a few important people in his life and those are the only ones whose opinion mattered, But if I choose to listen to the world I will drown,he went ahead to take me to all these people and amazingly they were so receptive. This made me think how many girls listen to the world and are misled? It formed the basis of my marriage and 10 years later I try to listen to what he says the rest can wait

People will always speak, regardless of how nice you are ..they will speak.A friend recently told me that even if you decide to lie down for them to walk on they will say you are not flat enough so be like my husband, know who is important to your relationship and as long as they are okay with you, let the rest be noise.

See you tomorrow for another backstage story